This one is a little too honest...

Yes. This is allowed. I can just randomly write down whatever come to mind and call it a blog post. It's called a 'Stream of Consciousness' post. Seriously! Just ask MckMama over at mycharmingkids.net! (And, no, I DID NOT run over to her blog just to glance at the word consciousness and make sure I'm spelling it right...and no, I did not remember spell check about 2 seconds after that...)

Anyway, here's the deal. I'm not feeling great tonight. Today was long. I feel tired and overwhelmed. I'm overwhelmed at work and at home. And just so you know, I'm not convinced it's a good idea to blog all these frustrations for all to see, but I am pretty sure I'm not the only working mom that feels these things. And frankly, I'd love to hear about another mom's work/kids/house issues just so I know I'm not alone!  

My work's annual benefit banquet is in 3 weeks so naturally I am on overload at the office, and my house is, well, in shambles. (Yeah, I can think of nicer, less embarrassing words, but shambles sums it up pretty perfectly. Wait...can shambles and perfect be in the same sentence? Hmmm...) It's so discouraging to come home from 10 hours at work to a sink overflowing with dirty dishes, bedrooms that are covered with toys and sippy cups and dirty clothes, and piles of clutter that need sorting. Now before you start wondering why my hubby didn't pick up today while home with kidlets, just know that he had a terrible allergy induced headache all day, and had to deal with a lactose intolerant 4 year old that somehow ingested some unidentified no-no, and was less than pleasant to be around. Being the tired overwhelmed mommy that I am, I of course still felt super annoyed at the state of the house. However, I did manage to pray about said attitude and did not pick a fight with my sick, exhausted hubby! That is really the extent of my evening. The words that come to mind - Tired. Stressed. Messy. Frustration. Deep Breaths. 

Now I am headed to bed. And tomorrow I will wake up to the sweetest little men! They don't notice the mess, they don't notice that mommy isn't the perfect employee, wife, mother, whatever. They just love me. Every morning I wake up to rosy little cheeks and little brown eyes peering at me. "Mommy, can I cuddle with you!?"  Um...yes! I am trying so hard to live each and every day for these little guys, knowing that in 10 years all I will care about it whether I loved them and held on to every single moment. 

So, I am going to publish this rambling, kinda depressing blog post, I am NOT going to proof-read it, and I am going to go have some quality time with my pillow. And I am going to look forward to having my hands very full tomorrow. 

 

They call it 'Mommy Blogging' for a reason...

In case you don't understand the title of this post, IT IS A WARNING. This post contains some very, um, mommyish things. So don't tell me I didn't warn you. 

I've been spending a lot of time on a certain activity as of late. And no, I don't mean cleaning up dog puke, (wait, that was Matt) or bathing my one year old every single morning as a result of his maddeningly consistent morning blow outs, or systematically taking every imaginable privilege away from my four year old in order to force gently encourage him to do his business on the potty. No, this is something else entirely.

I know I'm not the only one that does this. In fact, one of my very best friends is a pro at this game. Come to think of it, she probably introduced me to it. You know who you are!

I think that my recent obsession with this is due to the fact that there is someone special in my life that just spent some time playing the game and her end result was positive. You know, the opposite of negative. Or it could be that many, many of my friends have either had a baby in the last year or are currently pregnant, or both. (Yeah, that's right, both.)

The name of this time consuming activity is, "Leave me alone and let me stare at my negative pregnancy test and try to imagine a second line."

Yeah. It makes no sense. We are NOT trying for a baby; I don't really even want a baby right now. Matt is just getting established in his new job, I am insanely busy at my job, and I am feeling pretty darn overwhelmed just balancing loving on the two I already have with everything else in my life. So really, if that little line I'm tyring so hard to imagine did in fact show up, I would be, well, a lot little bit more overwhelmed. (And really freaking excited.)                                     
                                                                                                                                                

                                                                                                                                                                             

But that isn't the point. It's stupid fun to stare at little white pee sticks and carry them from room to room just in case the changing light will magically reveal that second line. I'm not alone, right?!?! RIGHT?!?!?

(One final point. For those of you that know where I work and may be feeling suspicious about where I am obtaining all these tests, I put $5 in petty cash, OK?! And I even have the petty cash balance sheet to prove it. So there. )

Not sure how to feel...

Today my little boy had his fourth birthday party.

I I was so proud of him as he successfully rode his new bike on the first try!!                  (I mean, he really had no choice. He was surrounded by beautiful little girls and simply had to deliver!) 

 

                                                                                                                                                                           

I am in love with the way he furrowed his little brow and opened those presents like it was serious business.

                                                                      

He was so excited about his (dairy and gluten free) cupcake, and he blew those candles out with only one three tries! 

I was so happy to see him loving his party, but deep down I was feeling a little emotional that he is getting so big. Thank goodness I am homeschooling him for Preschool or I would have been in a puddle on the floor. 

I held it together. Well, until bedtime, when this one decided to throw a straw on the camel's back and say a new word. (You know, just to rub it in that they are both growing up.) And it was quite a word. An adorable, endearing, cuddly  little word that just broke this mommy's heart. While giving my mom a little night-night snuggle, he looked up into her eyes and said "Huuuggg...huuuggg." Then he reached for me and laid his head on my chest. "Huuuggg...huuugggg."

I lost it, and Matt was ready for it. When I turned my head to try (unsuccessfully!) to blink the tears away he was staring at me with that "I-know-you're-heartbroken- that-they're-growing-up-but-it's-gonna-be-OK-babe" look. 

And he is right. It is OK. In fact, it is AMAZING and I'm loving every minute! 

Happy birthday B2! 

And Little Man, you can give mommy a huuugggg whenever you want!

He...

  ...is B2. 

...Bold, creative, full of everything you could possibly imagine. 

...has quite an imagination:

"Mommy, Jesus can fly down to us. When He wants to fly, He can fly! And then He will zoom back up to heaven with us!"  (I am working on his theology, he's only (almost!) four, give him a break!

                           

      

          

                  

...loves being big brother to Little Man. Every morning when he hears Little Man wake up, he says "Mommy!! He is crying for you!! Go get him!! He needs you!!"

                                                                                       

 ...really CANNOT resist making silly faces in pictures. See?

...is my B2. Enough said.